Thursday, May 31, 2012

I'd like to go home now

Excuse me, Uncle Sam. I'd like to go home now.

If the two houses I own in Virginia insist on falling apart, I'd like to be the one swinging the hammer. I'm being drained in more ways than one because I have to pay people to do things I'm capable of doing. Then I have to pay someone to watch (supervise) them do it. And I have to pay them on their schedule, not mine.

If my husband insists on taking so many random trips that planning a vacation is pointless because it would be cancelled, I'd like to be near enough to friends and family that I could make due without him. If I'm going to be forced to sit on my couch all day for lack of funds and places to go, I'd rather sit on my couch in a place where the weather is consistently nice, predictable, and doesn't have me taking vitamin D in the spring to prevent a depressive tail spin.

I'm tired of being surrounded by people who can't take a hint when I tell them I don't want to hear about their vacation plans to Italy, Normandy, Ireland, Croatia, France, Greece, England, or any other place I'm never going to see. I've been here a year, and have barely taken more than a few day trips. If you wake up and go to sleep in your own bed, it's not a vacation no matter what you saw that day. Yes, I've seen a few Castles, but Colonial Williamsburg is older and has more history than any of them, as they were all built in the late 1800's. Again, I could do that at home.

I hate myself because I'm starting to resent my daughter. My 2 1/2 year old is often the only human contact I have for days on end. Facebook and awkward phone conversations aren't the same. Calling home is difficult in any case, because of the time difference. I've tried involving myself in the community, taking language classes, playing soccer, and connecting with the other wives, but none of it has helped. It's either too short lived, or too costly.

Imagine if Walmart were the only place you could go to do ANYTHING. And not the new, big, Super-Walmarts, I'm talking the tiny, dirty, old ones. That Walmart is the only option you have for shopping, meeting people, or just getting out of the house. You don't even have a Rite-Aid option here. Also imagine it's the only place you can hear people speaking English. Imagine you only have one real friend, and the only thing you do together is go to Walmart. Imagine your husband is never in the same country you are, let alone at home, and you're scared to visit anywhere but Walmart without him. That's my life. That's the grand adventure.

I can't stand Germany any more, and I want to go home. I will trade places with anyone there, happily.